Faith over Fear...

First off, I want to be clear: my faith is an important part of my life. I believe in God, and that belief gives me a sense of peace and purpose. But when it comes to funerals, something doesn’t click for me. It’s like there’s a disconnect between the ritual and what it’s supposed to represent—closure, comfort, a celebration of life.

For one, the whole process feels overwhelming. The idea of gathering a large group of people in a somber setting, all while emotions are running high, is incredibly difficult for me to process. It’s not just the sensory overload of the environment—the quiet hum of conversation, the faint organ music, the scent of flowers mingling with grief—it’s also the expectation to engage in this collective mourning. It feels like I’m supposed to perform a role that doesn’t come naturally to me.

There’s also the expectation that I’ll find comfort in the shared experience of grief, but I don’t. I struggle to connect with the idea that being around others who are mourning should make me feel less alone. Instead, it often makes me feel more isolated, like I’m missing something everyone else understands intuitively. Watching people express their grief in ways that seem so automatic and natural leaves me feeling like an outsider in a place where I’m supposed to belong.

Then there’s the idea of closure. Funerals are often described as a way to bring closure, to say goodbye. But for me, closure doesn’t come from ceremonies or rituals. It comes from my own quiet reflection, from processing the loss in my own time and space. Being at a funeral doesn’t help me “move on”; if anything, it just emphasizes how much I don’t understand about the way others process grief.

And this brings me to a broader point: just because I believe in God doesn’t mean I experience the world, or loss, in the same way others do. My faith is deeply personal, but the ways in which I practice and express it don’t always align with traditional rituals like funerals. I believe in the promise of an afterlife, and that belief brings me comfort. But I don’t need a funeral to remind me of that.

The truth is, I’ve always struggled with understanding the “why” behind funerals. Why does gathering in one place, at one time, help us process something so deeply personal and unique as loss? Why does standing by a casket, listening to eulogies, help some people find peace? For me, these things don’t bring comfort—they just add layers of confusion to an already overwhelming experience.

Maybe it’s because I process emotions differently- orr maybe it’s just that I find peace in different places—in quiet moments of prayer, in solitary reflection, in my own conversations with God.

In the end, I find my peace not in the ritual of funerals but in my faith itself. I believe that those who’ve passed are in a better place, and that brings me comfort. But the rituals of saying goodbye? Those are something I’m still trying to figure out.