I'm Not Selfish...

Selfishness is one of those labels that can stick to a person, often without a fair understanding of what’s really going on beneath the surface. I've noticed that some people might perceive me as selfish, but the truth is, my actions often come from a place that’s more complex than just thinking about myself. I want to take a moment to explain where I’m coming from because I believe it’s important to understand the full picture before jumping to conclusions.

First off, I value my time and energy, and that sometimes means saying "no" to things that others might expect me to say "yes" to. This can be misinterpreted as being self-centered, but it’s really about self-preservation. I’ve learned that if I don’t set boundaries and protect my own well-being, I won’t have anything left to give to anyone else. It’s not that I don’t care about others; it’s that I need to care for myself first to be able to show up fully for the people who matter to me.

After more missteps and relationships where I dropped my own needs and wants, I ended up losing myself in the process. I’ve realized that I have to balance self-care with prioritizing my children’s needs. They depend on me completely, and I’m the only reliable person they’ve got to raise them. I can’t ever be off that clock. This responsibility requires me to be at my best, which means I can’t afford to neglect my own needs anymore.

Another reason I might come across as selfish is because I sometimes prioritize my own needs in situations where others might put themselves last. This isn’t because I believe my needs are more important, but rather because I understand the importance of being honest about what I can and can’t handle. I’ve been down the road of overcommitting and trying to be everything to everyone, and it left me drained and unable to fulfill even the simplest obligations. Now, I choose to focus on what I know I can do well, which sometimes means stepping back from things that aren’t a good fit for me.

Then there’s the fact that I’m not great at picking up on subtle hints or reading between the lines. I might miss cues that someone needs help or is expecting something from me, which can make me seem oblivious or uncaring. The reality is that I often need things to be communicated clearly and directly; I don’t always catch on to the nuances of social situations. This doesn’t mean I’m ignoring others’ needs—it just means I might not be aware of them unless they’re spelled out for me.

It’s also worth mentioning that I value my independence and sometimes prioritize it over group dynamics or what others expect of me. This can be seen as selfish, especially in situations where collaboration or compromise is expected. But for me, being true to myself and my own path is crucial. It’s not about disregarding others, but about staying aligned with my own values and goals.

In the end, what might look like selfishness is often a reflection of my efforts to balance my own needs with the demands of the world around me. I’m not perfect, and there are times when I do get caught up in my own concerns, but that’s not the whole story. My actions come from a place of self-awareness, honesty, and a desire to live authentically. It’s about making choices that allow me to contribute to the world in the best way I can, even if those choices sometimes look selfish from the outside.

If there’s anything I want people to take away from this, it’s that selfishness isn’t always what it seems. There’s a difference between being self-focused and being self-centered. I strive for the former because I know it’s what allows me to be present, engaged, and genuinely helpful when it matters most. I’m not as selfish as I might seem—I’m just trying to live in a way that honors both myself and those around me, especially my children.