How are you?

This question always catches me off guard, even though I hear it almost every day. It’s not that I don’t understand the purpose of small talk—I know it’s a part of social interaction. But "How are you?" feels hollow, something people say out of habit rather than genuine interest. My brain struggles with it because no matter who is asking, honestly, I rarely know how to answer it.

Understanding my emotions takes time. It’s not that I don’t feel anything—I do, often intensely—but it’s hard to pinpoint exactly what I’m feeling on the spot. Am I frustrated, tired, or just preoccupied? When someone asks, "How are you?" it feels like they’re expecting me to instantly know the answer, but most of the time, I’m still figuring it out. And the truth is, people don’t really want to know the full story. They’re looking for a quick, easy response: "I’m fine, thanks. How about you?"

I used to think that when people asked how I was doing, they genuinely wanted to know. So I’d start explaining—telling them about the anxiety I’m feeling or how I’m stuck on something that’s been bothering me. But I quickly realized that wasn’t what they were expecting. The conversation would become awkward, and they’d change the subject, making it clear that honesty wasn’t the goal. So now, I’ve learned to give the expected response, even if it feels empty. It’s a routine I’ve adopted to avoid making others uncomfortable.

But this routine leaves me unsatisfied. "How are you?" feels like a question that’s meant to fill the silence, not to create meaningful dialogue. I’m someone who values deeper conversations—the kind where we talk about things that really matter. Instead, I often find myself stuck in exchanges that don’t lead anywhere, repeating the same phrases without connecting on any real level.

I know this might come across as socially awkward, and maybe it is. I’m still trying to navigate these interactions without overthinking them. But it’s frustrating to feel like I’m always just scratching the surface, never getting to the point where real understanding begins. I’m hoping that one day, "How are you?" will be asked with genuine interest, with a willingness to hear the answer. Until then, I’ll keep following the script, even if it doesn’t fully satisfy what I’m really looking for.

I’ll always want to know how others are really doing, and I hope that someday, we can move beyond the surface to have those conversations that truly matter.

Key Takeaways:

• "How are you?" is a common question that often feels empty and insincere, making it challenging for those who need time to understand and express their emotions.

• The expected response is usually superficial, and giving a genuine answer can lead to awkwardness in social interactions.

• There is a desire for more meaningful conversations that go beyond the routine small talk, though navigating this can be difficult.

• Social interaction can feel challenging, but there is hope for more genuine exchanges in the future.